I think it's a little strange for you to mention that if students can't shoulder the burden and conquer the stress, it will "add problem in the society(last line of the article)." Because the whole paper mostly focuses on the exteral and internal factors of taking abortion, such as the financial problem and parents' mental health. You don't talk about any social problems in the previous paragraphs, so I need to think what problems will be added in the society by myself. I'm sure that it does cause problems, but it's better to point out what exactly they are.
ME: thank you. I will think about this fault.
2.蔣雅如:
In paragraph 2 last sentence, you mentioned that many restrooms are not equipped with nursery rooms. I know probably you want to say that situation in college but you did not mention the location and it confused me at first sight.
ME: what do you mean the "location" ?
3阮郁奇:
I think the issue you have mentioned is based on two students in a relationship. What about a student girl having a baby with an elder man who is capable of supporting a family?
And I also think the nursery room problem doesn't only happen to pregnant college students. Many pregnant women would have this situation because in Taiwan nursery rooms are not very common in workplace. So I think this is not a good reason to support your idea.
ME :thank you for your response,
But we want to focus on "students get pregnant", because college students is a special group while facing the problem. We think that it is interesting to discuss if students get pregnant then what will they do.
Nursery room is just one of points about the unfriendly environment in schools. I know no nursery room will not be the reason for students taking abortion. I will think about it.
4. Chen Joselin:
I'm agree with your point. Although I think it is cruel to take abortion, it is much more merciless that children can't grow up in a good environment. If the couple have baby accidentally and they get married just because the baby, it is likely to lead to a marriage breakdown.
ME: thank you. And your response is what I want to emphasize, the couple does not prepare for the baby coming. I don't think it is good environment for baby growing up.
5. 陳奕臻:
I think your article is convincing because I was on the side that student should still give birth. Although I was on the other side on this issue, your article made me not quite sure if my idea doesn't complete enough. However, I thought that the ending of this article is not strong or impressed enough. In addition, your article doesn't have any example from news, magazine or other things. If you can give more examples, your article will be more complete.
ME: thank you. yes, the last paragraph is a fault is this essay, because there is no enough evidence to support my point of view. I will think about it.
6. Claire Ke:
I support your idea that college students not to give birth. Who knows what will happen in the future? There must be problems if someone really gives birth to a baby. As time flies, people must change. A marriage composed by young people is more fragile than one composed by two mature people. If this marriage fails, children will be hurt and other problems also come.
So my suggestion is you can find some real cases as examples that students who give birth to children have terrible futures, to strengthen your point.
ME: thank you. You point out what I lost in the paper. I will try to find out the example.
7. Lisa Yu:
I have some suggestions about the words. In the second paragraph, make up in "make up a family"can be changed to build up because "make up" is not proper in this sentence. And in the third paragraph, take care of in" does not take care of her body " can be changed to cherish.
ME: I didn't think up "build up" at that time,lol. thank you for giving good words.
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